What Most Dating Coaches Will Never Admit or Crazy Stupid Love Lessons
07.10.2015 | 2:58
by Dave Cogan
So, today we are going to discuss the dating coaching that was extremely popular some 10 years ago and about the things even the most experienced dating coaches will never admit.
Perhaps there will be no person left that hasn’t seen the movie ‘Crazy Stupid Love’ featuring Ben Stiller and Ryan Gosling who played a dating coach and a pick up master who fell in love and undermined his own theory at the end of the movie. Well, that is a bright example of using the dating coaching in order to work out the dating problems and set the personal life faster. However, life ain’t that much of the movie and often goes all wrong.
As I said, around 10 years back, the idea of a dating coach hit the standard. These dating coaches were particularly intended to help individuals make social ways of life, develop certainty, and find reliable achievement in their sentimental attempts, etc. Sadly enough, but the barrier of entry was rather low which allowed the potential return on investment to be high.
You didn’t need any degree or extraordinarily, all that was needed was ability to speak up and the audience to listen to you. However, the reputation of the dating coaching was quickly tarnished after the introduction and development of the hook up culture and the love revolution in its broadest sense.
Pickup is meeting people with the purpose of seduction, as well as a set of methods, observations, opinions, developed on the basis of the empirical approach to seduction.
Nowadays, dating coaches seem to be personages from the movies like ‘Hitch,’ ‘My Best Friend’s Girl’ or ‘Crazy Stupid Love, ‘ rather than real ‘cupids.’ Nowadays, it’s possible to encounter such people by accident rather than from an ad column in a newspaper intentionally. Nevertheless, I had a lucky chance to meet the one who realized how much of what he read was unhelpful, unhealthy, and unsound and decided to teach dating from a different perspective to see people being happy. What a good intention, yeah?
Worst pick up mistakes ever
No one can be 100% lucky. Quite simply, though there are many ways of dating, which have proved their worth, there are a lot more attempts that are unsuccessful. For some, it may be unpleasant to remember their failures (most likely, you will find at least one of these situations yours), but it’s all for the better.
Anyway, to become a better man, you sometimes have to make mistakes. When we do something wrong, we won’t do it again next time. Right? Here’s the list of the worst pick up mistakes ever you need to stay away from:
- Using tricks to disguise your not very good ability to communicate
Real man never tries to make a girl drunk with alcohol girl to get her. This man doesn’t only relies on his appearance, to win favor of the girls. A real man does not tell the tale of his life, to arouse interest in her, etc.
No, a real player feeds and waters (and wine is not required), the player does not boast his good looks and speaks for himself. He will never deceive, but rather slightly embellish the reality. The real master respects women and tricks are a sign of disrespect. That’s clear.
- To believe that all women are the same as men
This is one of the biggest mistakes that a man can make, and, unfortunately, one of the most common. Ask any guy who considers himself a competent player and very likely, he will say that the majority of women are attracted to him by his deeds or words.
In most cases it is not. The concept of attractiveness is simple. The vast majority of women are most likely to be attracted by your money and / or big muscles.
However, not every woman on this planet needs to have men with a lot of money. Not every girl is excited, if you begin to demonstrate your sensitivity, and not all of them respond positively to your ability to «feed and water for free.» In fact, there is no single successful approach.
- Dig too deep during the first date
Whatever the reason, the worst way to impress a girl by means of telling her the story of your family, philosophizing, meditating or acting out (or rather overacting) pretending to be very sensitive and vulnerable person. Blame the increased popularity of alternative lifestyles in such a case. And that makes sense.
Men often try to create an artificial connection with the girl. That is, they agree with everything she says, she chooses subjects of discussion, with the result that you do complement her versatile interests, and never offer your own opinions about this or that. This is one of the major mistakes.
You look like an idiot, constantly nod and say «yes, you’re right» and «wow, you also like this movie?» — An absolutely wrong approach. She will likely notice what you are doing and why. Do not underestimate girls. They are smarter anyway and they will find out that you do not demonstrate your real personality. You will be her complete reflection.
- Using friends
You may use your friends to discover new people. Perhaps there is a group of girls, and you like one of them. And rather than going to the group, you ask your friend to get her «prepared» and make her ready for the overall impression of you. But this method means that you simply do not have guts to make a first step. Do not do that.
Even the best friend won’t save your ass, as a girl can very easily get to the core of his meager attempts and techniques. Despite the fact that it is very difficult to decide to approach a group of girls, to rely on others is not an option either. If you have a good friend, you can use him, but not in the role of an ass-kisser. This is not original, and completely unproductive.
Dating coaching that works
It is truly hard to meet a pick up master that has deep respect for both genders, leave a positive and long lasting impact on people and promote really healthy values. Only few modern matchmakers root their philosophy in honesty and practice really working tips on how to find a date and are willing to rebuild the trust for this unpopular profession. I’d like to share some dating truths that my coaching friend is not afraid to tell:
Lesson # 1
Dear men, before you go to the basic lessons of seduction, always remember: never confuse the words «to make a lady fall in love» and «seduce» her. These concepts need to be separated always as clearly and precisely as possible. Remember: never talk about love before sex.
There is no need to fool ourselves: what kind of love is it if the first thing you now want is to hook her up and spend a night with her? Admit that. In this case, you need to think about how to seduce her. Seduction is quite a different topic to discuss but here we will try to deal with the question of «how to make her fall in love.»
Lesson # 2
All women differ not only in appearance. If you want someone to notice you, seduce or even make her fall in love with you, you should pick the key to her heart individually because what makes the 1st excited, can make the 2d burst out laughing nervously.
Mind that you cannot attract any woman you want. It’s true that men are afraid of being rejected which stops them from trying over and over again. The truth is that you simply do not have to be accepted by each woman you approach.
The same woman may respond to the same tricks in different ways, depending on the mood and the time of year, etc. Ladies have diverse identities, tastes, and inclinations and you won’t coordinate every one of them.
In addition, even if you face a lot of rejection in our dating practice, you will also find out that there i more women ready to fall in love with you head over heel, so embrace rejection for it leads to success.
Lesson # 3
The axiom is that no matter how experienced you are in a variety of interactions with women, you will never conquer your anxiety, ever! There still will be some butterflies sometimes, heart racing, hands shaking and sweating, and your stomach getting giddy, etc.
Fear is a normal emotion for men too. You should face all your possible fears in terms of women and relationships. With each consequent methodology, you will increase better control over your nervousness. You still may feel it, yet it will get to a point where it won’t restrain you any longer. Get out there and stop being frightened!
Each man should keep in mind that there are no exact formulas to dating success. If you have read it somewhere, it’s bullshit. Everything depends.
Advice on relationships in a little one-sided men’s magazines like how to get what you need right here and right now from her won’t do. In fact a real man realizes that a romantic dinner will make her feel special, she will be ready to continue the evening in bed anyway. The way you treat women but honestly without any intentional hypocrisy always matters. It’s almost true: generosity will always open a woman’s heart for you, and not only. But only if a lady believes that you are trying so hard not for sex only. To see pure sex as an award means to create a dangerous story with your own hands to. When you receive sex only for something — you also lose it in a moment.
As much as individuals would like you to accept that ladies are mathematical equations, actually they are not. There is no particular line, schedule, or orderly procedure to pull in ladies. Sadly, one-size-fits-all dating solutions usually are offered to the desperate personalities. So, beware!
Mind that what really works is concepts. You need to stop being obsessed with the details and better concentrate on the whole picture. For success in dating, you should engage yourself in meeting new people regularly, different people, developing good body language, assertiveness, creation of the physical contact, and so on. All that will increase your potential in the future.
To overcome your anxieties and become confident with women, learn how to behave, build new skills, internalize a high level of self-worth and make success is not an overnight process and those who tell you it is — lie and surely want some money from you for the secret recipe. In reality, to achieve success you need some time to practice, much analysis, introspection, dedication, and effort, of course.
Everyone knows that becoming socially confident and creating the romantic connections with ladies are skills that require some time to develop and cannot be thought in dating boot camps. You will have to achieve a master craft by yourself in time which is quite possible for a mature man.
Even nowadays there are training and seminars that offer pick up services and all the stuff, but even if you take lessons there for huge money, pass exams, after you took those exams you will forget most of the material which is proven by years of practice.
Lesson # 6
You do not have to believe everything you read or hear about dating, sex, pick up and relationships. What is even more important: do not compare yourself to what you read. Each story is unique and each case is individual so do not try to fit it into something you read on ridiculous men or women magazines.
Rather, you should measure your success against yourself. Try to answer the key questions: are you pushing your comfort zone out? Are you hitting your small goals? Can you see the improvements in your private life? If you keep challenging yourself all the time, you should be proud of that!
Guys become too obsessed with sex. There are a lot of them that are looking for girlfriends because they think it will solve all their sexual problems or save from the supreme loneliness, etc.
«I want to date hot girls» ‘Tell me how to get a girlfriend!» «How to pick up a girl for one night», and so on. The endless list, indeed. All of them are wrong approaches.
«Trying to fill an internal void with only external validation never works.»
It’s rather a way to depression and lowering your self esteem. You should invest in yourself steadily and get healthier with each try. Discover more passions apart from sex that you love to develop a lifestyle that makes you really fulfilled even without it. Expand your social circle and then you will sure meet women as a side effect of your own awesome world whose worlds also match. The quality of life defines the quality of all the rest including personal affairs, love, sex and relationships. So, do not be a fool!
At the end
To sum up, I’d like to remind everyone that the dating industry in general pushes much into sex because it always sells and men are often hooked on porn sex and masturbation. It doesn’t mean though that they must follow all the ridiculous pick up advices blindly and get their money down the drain. Learn how to grow and develop yourself without all the Internet bull shit.
Say «NO» to your bad habits. We are always too noisy to enjoy success, but always keep silent and never admit mistakes that lead to dating failures. We keep them in secret.
And while you support your image, errors will not be hidden As mentioned above, there is no 100% lucky man, but if you try to avoid the mistakes, your percentage will immediately start growing. Try to make an impression on the girl alone, because she deserves your reverence and respect. Go ahead and good luck!